Direct Answers

If I had to do it over again, I would not have gotten married. My husband and I are very passionate people. In a movie that would mean we make wild love and have an adventurous life. Unfortunately, in the real world, it translates into hostile fights and unforgettable, unforgivable statements.

I have been married a little over a year and prefer to be alone. I have no desire to spend time with him. I just like to have him around on a Saturday night to go to a movie. I dream of being by myself and am much happier when he travels. I am always sad when it is time for his return.

Why did I get married? I don't know. Romantic fantasies, I guess. The desire for children. But I never dreamed of having someone to grow old with. I just wanted a date on national holidays and flowers every once in a while.

The fact is, I am married. I do not believe in divorce though I sometimes wish I did. I love him enough to stay, but I live in misery. I have tried the power of positive thinking, but it isn't powerful enough.

He disgusts me. I think he is repulsive now that I am married to him. Sometimes I don't know if I am going to go home at night, but I always do. There is so much more to this story (telling each other if we had to marry again, we wouldn't marry each other; sex problems; and more). Can someone help?

Leslie

Leslie, your letter is a warning to other people. You are so honest and so candid it is scary, but honestly, there is only one answer. Your relationship is the reason there are laws that permit divorce.

Every day people get married just because someone asked. Every day people get married just to move out of their parent's house. Every day people get married just because they feel it's time. Most of them won't admit it, but the truth of your marriage is the truth of those marriages.

To say you could make this relationship work is to say you could grab anyone off the street and make a relationship work with them. Some people say love is a decision, but if love is just a decision, then you could love any job, make any color your favorite color, or make anyone your best friend.

We are much more than the decisions we make. There are things that have a calling for us, things that connect to us in a way that is not rational. That is what makes us human. When you find the right person, it is like loving your own child. It is not a decision. It is simply in you to do.

Wayne & Tamara

The Last to Know

My best friend's husband left her for another woman after 18 years of marriage. I was there for her, my husband and whole family supported her, and I got her a good job working with me so she could support herself.

Saturday, she dropped a bomb on me. She's having an affair with a married man we work with. I had no idea. Her kids have met him, her ex has met him, and she has taken him to social gatherings which didn't include my family.

She said it has been going on for two years. I don't know what to be angrier about, her doing this, or me being the last to know. Any advice will be appreciated.

Amy

Amy, take this as the best-backhanded compliment you will ever receive. Your friend thinks you are a person of principle, a person who wouldn't stick her neck out for a woman having an affair with a married man. She is doing to another woman the wrong that was done to her.

Wayne & Tamara

Wayne & Tamara are also the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell, available from Amazon, Apple and most booksellers.