Direct Answers

I like the blatantly honest answers you give in your columns and website. In brief, I am 44, married 22 years, and contemplating divorce, but hindered by the fact I vowed to go through better or worse with him. A promise is a promise, and a vow is a vow, right?

My husband shows me complete disrespect by ridiculing all my requests. When I ask him politely not to leave x, y, and z laying around, he says it's my wifely duty to take care of him. I am tired of getting up when he needs a beer or this and that.

I am tired of running downstairs every time he hollers my name because he won't holler his subsequent question. I am tired of his impatient outbursts, I am tired of his nasty habits. When I ask him not to do these things, he calls me hypersensitive, and crazy and claims I need to get over it.

Mind you, everything is said in a lovingly condescending manner, as you speak to someone who is mentally handicapped. I know he loves me in his caveman way, as long as I cater to him and make his life easy. Now that I am being "difficult," he regards me as having a slight mental problem.

I am a nature lover with immense respect for all lives, yet he jokingly threatens to kill my dogs when they dig holes and wants to smoke out a bird's nest in a chimney we haven't used in 17 years. His remarks about everything dear to me lead me to believe he finds my set of morals ridiculous.

He even had me go to the doctor to check if I am approaching or in menopause. When the results were negative, he remarked I was obviously just a natural female dog. Do I need to stick to my wedding vows, or is it acceptable before my Creator to leave him and find some much-needed peace?

Nan

Nan, you have a sense of humor about this, but it is the kind of humor that cloaks a serious problem. Your letter made us laugh, but it is no laughing matter. Let us tell you how we understand wedding vows.

For better or for worse refers to what life throws at you, not what the wrong person decides to put you through. What life throws at you includes fire, flood, famine, the birth of a handicapped child, cancer, losing a job… It does not include being mistreated on purpose by someone who is supposed to be in love with you.

Your husband is having his life the way he chooses to have it. Are you not entitled to the same? Marriage is supposed to be an enhancement in your life. It is for two people who love, trust, care for, and respect one another. It is for two who want to share all their days together.

Wayne & Tamara

Bullseye

My fiancé and I seem to be at an impasse. I am seriously rethinking marrying this guy because I feel like he seems to find every fault in me and, quite often, is controlling and abrasive.

Sometimes I can tell he's sorry because he'll buy me flowers or pay me a compliment a few hours later, but it doesn't seem to be sincere after having an insult slung at me. I need your help because I don't want to marry the wrong guy.

Fern

Fern, archers raise their aim higher to reach a far target. They aim high not to send the arrow upward into the sky, but because they know that is necessary to reach the mark.

Knowing how difficult a bad relationship can be, you must raise your aim so your chances of hitting your target are improved. A lower aim assures your relationship will land in the dirt.

Wayne & Tamara

Wayne & Tamara are also the authors of “Cheating in a Nutshell, What Infidelity Does to the Victim”, available from Amazon, Apple, and most booksellers.

Photo Credit: Foto Sushi