The Two Of Us

So I thought my life was perfect. Not just good, but flawless. I was living a fairy tale. I am a well-known chef in one of the great cities. I had bad luck dating and couldn't find the one, that is until she came along.

She was and is the one. There's nothing more I love than her. Perfect, right? We went out for a year, and I asked her to marry me. It was the most romantic proposal anyone could ask for. I hired waiters from my restaurant to hold vases of roses all the way up the stairs. Trust me, it's a lot of stairs. There on a rose-covered bed was a ring.

She said yes. Perfect again! We are still madly in love, but there is a catch. Isn't there always? She used to be a ballerina, but dancers' careers are short. She quit performing and became an excellent dance teacher. She is still very involved with her company. In her dancing days, she was amazingly skinny and watched everything she ate.

Now she is eating normally and enjoying it, which is great for me because I get to cook for her. The catch? There is a wedding dress that has been passed from one amazingly skinny sister to another, and now it is her turn for the dress. Because of her change of lifestyle, the dress doesn't fit. Me not seeing the big deal (testosterone speaking here), I thought okay, let's get another dress or get this one remade.

That was not the right thing to say. There were tears, and I was adrift in a sea of ignorance. We settled down and had her family over for a dinner party. She was excited, I cooked, and everything was perfect. Then her sister said, "Wow, the food is amazing. No wonder you look like that!"

There was some nudging under the table, and I ran into the kitchen for some damage control. What's a man to do? I want this to calm down, and everyone to be happy. This is a wedding, and it should be happy!

Paul

Paul, there is artistry in the passion for food and artistry in the passion for dance.

We are convinced you are in love, so first and foremost tell your fiancée that whatever she decides, you will do everything in your power to make it so.

People's lives change. Her life has moved into another phase, and what was important is no longer as important. Your fiancée sacrificed for her art. You can understand this because you also have sacrificed for your art with cut hands, burnt fingers, and the stress of the kitchen.

She is no longer under the fanatical restrictions of the dance. Now she has earned the perspective of the teacher. She has nothing to prove to anyone else. She, and you, know her worth. From now on, it will always be the both of you.

Not to say anything malicious of her ill-spoken sister, but that comment didn't come from love. And a tradition that would stab a woman with feelings of anguish sounds not like tradition but a prison sentence. Your fiancée’s body type and talent are rare. Why subject another generation, and perhaps your own daughter, to a tradition their very genes may not permit?

Happiness, health, and love are foremost in life. What do those three bring? Truth and compassion. Let decisions for the two of you be ruled by them. This wedding is coming from the two of you, and you are the main consideration.

Think of yourselves as concentric circles. First the two of you, and then others in order of what you hold dear.

Wayne & Tamara

Wayne & Tamara are the authors of The Young Woman’s Guide to Older Men, The Friendship Solution, and Cheating in a Nutshell—available from Amazon, Apple, and booksellers everywhere.

Photo Credit: Petr Ovralov