No Sale

I'm worried about my sister. She is married with teenage children. She and her husband own a beautiful home on a pond. Three years ago she discovered an 80s "hair band" and started to see them once in a while.

We would sometimes go together on weekends to listen to them, but after six months she began to go every Saturday night. I stopped going that often because I, too, have a family. Her other friends also stopped going, saying it was too much.

So my sister went alone and found new friends. Her husband was upset so she dragged him along. She also invites his mother. I think this is to prove she is not up to no good. In the summer she brings her children to see the band. Her daughter told me she is sick of seeing the band and doesn't know why her mother isn't sick of the same old songs.

My sister goes boating with the lead singer, his wife, and their son. She even enrolled one of her sons in a basketball league he coaches. She has dropped all of her friends and spends no time with her sisters. Her husband told me he is sick of being with them all the time, but he is afraid of losing his wife if he complains too much.

A few people have raised their eyebrows at this. I don't know every detail, but one that alarmed me the most was when the lead singer told my sister he was sick of his wife's weight. He asked my sister how he could get his wife to lose weight like my sister. So, do you think this whole relationship between my sister, her husband, the lead singer, and his wife, is weird or what?

Jenna

Jenna, imagine your letter is a story idea you're pitching to a Hollywood producer. You want this developed as the story of an affair, but affairs thrive on secrecy. If your sister wanted an affair, why involve her whole family?

Perhaps your sister feels her life is in a rut, and she sees the lead singer and his wife as mentors, mentors for a new, more active, and diverse life. Whatever her motivation, she wants to live with more gusto. You brought no evidence your sister would cheat on her husband. Where is the suspicion coming from? Sibling rivalry?

Many people don't want to listen to screeching guitars, steel-lung singers, or Kiss and Poison songs, but no Hollywood producer would buy this as the story of an affair.

Wayne & Tamara

Off-Limits

A year ago my best friend got a job working security at a hospital. On his night shifts, he asked me to stay in his place to keep his girlfriend company. That was fine. She slept in bed. I took the couch. But the longer this went on, we both realized we had feelings for each other.

We never got physical. The closest we came was when we slept in bed together. I mean slept in the actual sleeping way.

Last week my friend asked me to be his best man. Now I have a front-row seat watching my best friend marry the girl I have feelings for. Do I cancel on being the best man? How do I stand up and make a speech about how good they are together? The worst thing is they are!

Ethan

Ethan, feel free to toast them in the way you would toast any newly married couple. You hope they make it, but that is completely up to them.

When she is your best friend's wife, avoid being drawn into compromising situations. Anytime she has problems in her marriage or anything intimate to discuss, you are not her "go-to" guy. Let their marriage sink or swim on its own without interference from you.

And keep your sightlines open for single, available women.

Tamara

Wayne & Tamara are the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell and The Young Woman’s Guide to Older Men—available from Amazon, iTunes, and booksellers everywhere.

Kyle Wong