Rites Of Passage

My boyfriend and I have been living together for 13 years. My mother-in-law--well, she's like my mother-in-law--is manipulative, needy, mean, stingy, selfish, overbearing, and jealous. Let's see, how many more adjectives can I think of? You name it, she's it.

She thinks her only son, my boyfriend, is supposed to be with her 24/7. She calls him constantly, needing something fixed. He's over there two or three times a day trying to please her, but if you give her an inch, she wants a mile. She drives me freaking crazy if you know what I mean.

I'd be so grateful if she would leave us alone just one day. The bad thing is I love my boyfriend. We will be married soon, but I don't know if I want to sign on for her to be my mother-in-law. She looks like a ragged combination of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, and a voodoo queen, with a personality to match.

Deirdre

Deirdre, the poet Robert Bly once remarked that birds store the knowledge of how to find a mate, build a nest, and fly away for the winter in their instinctual brain. But human beings are different. We store that knowledge in stories, rites, and myths to keep our brains free and flexible for new situations.

Ancient cultures treasured the rituals of cutting the apron strings that bind a boy to his mother. However, those rituals are weak today, and it is likely never to happen when the separation doesn't occur properly. You're so invested in this relationship that you cannot leave. Your boyfriend knows this, which means he has no incentive to undergo the rite of passage to manhood.

Tamara

Jailbreak

I met and fell in love with him when I was 14. I am now 24. He is only romantic and sweet when he is in jail. When he is home, he is the exact opposite….

Melana

Melana, for years, The New Yorker magazine ran a short space filler called "Letters We Never Finished Reading." Each piece contained the opening of a letter, and the brief opening explained why the editor never finished reading.

We read all of your letters, though there was no need. He's romantic and sweet when he's in jail because he's lost his freedom and depends totally on you. When he is home, he is free to be who he is. Stay with him, and you will continue to be imprisoned.

Wayne & Tamara

Wayne & Tamara are the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell and The Young Woman’s Guide to Older Men—available from Amazon, iTunes, and booksellers everywhere.